Howdy, folks.

Family can be lovely over the holidays, and if you get to spend time with great people over amazing food this Thanksgiving, I'm thrilled for you.

If this isn't the case--and this is really friggin' normal--you get to do what you need to do.

Let's paint the picture. There's a big family meal, and some of your family make your head explode. Maybe all they can talk about is how the election was stolen and how America is going down the shitter. Maybe they literally talk at the table about passing laws against you. Maybe they get way too drunk and start way too much drama, and you're stressed about timing your exit between the pumpkin pie and the 4th quarter.

The list of reasons for family stress can go on and on.

But here's the thing: You don't have to spend the whole day with them. You don't have to spend ANY of the day with them.

Here are 3 suggestions:

1) Have your own event, either in addition to the family event or in place of it. Invite who you want. Have everybody bring something. Keep it as simple as you want. Have it whenever it works out. Don't let your day suck just because you have some shitty family members.

2) You don't have to go to shitty family events. If you want, you can make an appearance and leave when you want, or you don't have to go at all. Communicate your intentions to the host ahead of time--this decreases pressure in the moment.

3) This one is optional--and you know your situation best. But it's often really useful to tell the host why you're limiting engagement with the family. Be honest. If the family responds negatively to you about this, it'll be proof you made a good choice to limit your engagement. And if they commit to doing better, well that's a good thing.